thoughts on community

sometimes I daydream about who’d I be if I didn’t need people
but the truth is I long for human connection
for someone to tell me I’m pretty without me prompting
for inside jokes and sentences that start with, remember that time when
I crave hugs and laughs and acceptance
I ache when I haven’t spoken to friends in a long time
my mind wanders and fills in gaps with information that doesn’t exist
I need reassurance that someone sees me
that I am seeable
that I am knowable
that I am worthy of knowing
that they desire my presence and might actually just die if I didn’t exist
I wish to not just be matter but to matter all the time
I want to know what joy is and I wanna dance with somebody –
I wanna believe in the possibility of it all being possible
I want to know that heartache is just proof of a working heart in the first place
that each beat is a tiny reminder that we’ve existed once before and we’ll exist forevermore
I use to be ashamed of my need to love
but I realized even when we were stardust in the sky, I wanted to shine with all of you

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